's Blog

September 19, 2009

CRUISING SAFELY – The Little Black Book

Filed under: Gay Cruising — Tags: , , , , , , , , — @ 2:00 pm

The Little Black Book

This one can keep you out of trouble

If you cruise in parks, bathrooms or other spaces open to public view, trust your instincts, be aware of your surroundings — and know your rights. While Lambda Legal and other groups are fighting against the ways police target men who have sex with men, having sex where others might see you and take offense can subject you to arrest, publicity and other serious consequences. If you feel unsafe, you should leave.


Always carry identification in case you get hurt or arrested.
Providing your ID (driver’s license, green card, passport) may decrease your chances of spending time in jail, especially if you don’t have a criminal record. If the police stop you, they may instead give you a summons (which tells you the charge and when to appear in court) and let you go.

Remember cops may be “cruising” too.
Be aware that undercover cops may be “cruising” to arrest you. A cop doesn’t have to tell you he’s a cop, even if you ask. If you’re cruising for sex and an undercover cop hits on you, what you do can still be a crime. Don’t count on proving the cop “entrapped” you (which is difficult). Talk to your lawyer if you think you were set up.

Make sure that anyone you have sex with is over the age of consent.
Having sex with a minor is a serious crime with heavy punishment.

Understand that many laws could be used against you.
Thanks to a Lambda Legal U.S. Supreme Court win, all laws that banned consensual sex by adults in private, including oral and anal sex, have been struck down. But other laws, like those against sex where you might be seen by others, adultery and prostitution laws, or laws against criminal transmission of HIV — might still be used against you.

Be careful.
Protect yourself and others against the risk of HIV and other diseases. Be aware of your surroundings and the possibility of being beaten or robbed.

If you cruise on-line let someone know your plans.
Tell them where you’re going, the person you are meeting, and when you expect to be back — or write a note on your computer with this information.


Stay calm. Provide identification but don’t answer any questions without a lawyer.
Anything you say can be used against you.

Try to remember the details surrounding the arrest, including:

  • everything you or the officers said or did before, during and after the arrest
  • the names, badge numbers and descriptions of any officers who were present
  • the details of the physical space, including where you and the officers were
  • the names and descriptions of anyone else who was present
  • Ask to talk to a lawyer
    Don’t make any decisions without talking to a lawyer first. The biggest mistakes you can make are panicking, trying to get it over with quickly by “confessing,” trying to talk your way out of the problem, or trying to deal with the police on your own. If you are not a U.S. citizen, you should talk to a lawyer as soon as possible. A conviction or plea agreement may affect your chances of later becoming a citizen, or put you at risk for deportation. If you can’t afford a lawyer, you may be entitled to a public defender free of charge. Ask to have one appointed before you make any statements to the police or in court – it’s your right.

    Find a good lawyer if you don’t already have one.
    Your lawyer should be a criminal defense attorney, who understands the law and the courts where the arrest occurred.

    Write everything down.
    Write down all the details as soon as possible, and share them only with your attorney. Ask your attorney who else it is safe to talk to in confidence.

    Know your legal options
    Make sure you understand the charges and discuss all the possible outcomes with your lawyer, including the consequences of any plea or conviction. These could include:

  • a fine
  • jail time
  • forfeiting property
  • having to register as a “sex offender”
  • effects on your military or immigration status
  • consequences for your employment, licensing or child custody
  • Tell your lawyer about any confidential circumstances.
    Be sure to tell your lawyer whether you have a relationship with anyone who you don’t want to find out about your arrest.

    Ask your lawyer questions, including:

  • Is it possible to get the charges dismissed because of conduct by the police?
  • Will I have a criminal record? Are there programs to avoid one?
  • Could I get my record cleared at some point?
  • Will the record be sealed?
  • Do I need to take time off from work to go to court?
  • Get support.
    It’s okay to use anonymous hotlines to ask questions, and talk about your experience. Call Lambda Legal and your local legal or anti-violence group for help and information on finding an attorney.


    August 27, 2009

    About Gay Cruising – Keeping Safe Guide []

    Filed under: Gay Cruising — Tags: , , , , , , , , , — @ 1:17 pm

    Cruising is a term used by men to describe the practice of sending and receiving verbal and non-verbal signals, which show that you are attracted to someone else. There are various methods of cruising ranging from subtle to extremely direct methods, and men “cruise” each other in various different places and settings i.e. street, saunas, bars, parks, internet etc. Cruising is just another way that men express their desire and attraction to each other. To many men there is a certain thrill or excitement attached to cruising but it can also potentially involve putting yourself in the way of harm. Therefore, it is important to minimise these risks and help avoid any danger to yourself or others.


    In order to cruise safely here are some helpful tips:

    1. When you arrive, have a good look around and identify possible escape routes in case of an emergency. It might also be worth visiting the area during the day to get a sense of space, routes, open and enclosed areas etc.

    2. Try not to carry any valuables on your person such as wallet, jewellery or phone.

    3. Bring condoms and lubricant with you if you intend on having sex – don’t assume the other person will have brought some. It might be a good idea to bring some anyway (just in case things go further than expected).

    4. If cruising over the internet, avoid giving out personal information such as address, primary email address, telephone number etc.

    5. Meet in a public place to begin with – you can then decide if you want to continue on with the relationship.

    6. If sending a photo – avoid nude and explicit shots. Remember, these can be copied and distributed.

    7. If posting a photo on your profile, avoid nude and explicit shots as anyone can access these.

    8. If possible, tell a friend when you intend on going through a text, email or phone call.

    9. If meeting for a drink, watch what you drink and stay in control. Avoid leaving your drink unattended because of the risk of your drink being spiked.

    10. If cruising in a sauna, remember to keep hydrated, particularly if you’ve been drinking or taking drugs. Also, carry condoms and lubricant on your person by placing them under the strap on your keychain.

    11. Never use Amyl nitrate or Butyl nitrate (poppers) with Viagra. Both work by opening blood vessels to allow greater blood flow and together, can cause heart failure (even in men who have no history of heart problems).

    12. Remember that cruising should be fun and safe, if you feel unsure or think things are heading in a direction you don’t feel comfortable with – leave. You are under no obligation to do anything with anyone.

    13. The Rainbow Project discourages you from any sexual behaviour in public places – whilst cruising itself isn’t illegal, having sex in public areas could lead to you being arrested and charged with a criminal offence.

    About Cruising []

    Filed under: Gay Cruising — Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , — @ 1:13 pm


    The Rainbow Project does not recommend cruising or cottaging due some elements of it which are illegal, and due to the dangers associated with attacks and unsafe sex. However if you decide to go for it keep these following tips in mind to ensure a safe and pleasant experience:

    • Bring plenty of condoms and lube and insist on safer sex; respect yourself and your health!
    • Be discreet when having sex. The more discreet you are the less chance there is of police activity or gay bashers.
    • Only go cruising when you are not too drunk or on drugs. You will need to be on your guard at all times
    • Leave your wallet and ID at home. Some attacks involve robbery and you do not want your identity to become known to your attacker.
    • Wear clothes and shoes you can run in and do not wear headphones.
    • Before you start checking out the men, check out the surroundings for exists and escape routes
    • Be aware that some gay basher might pretend to be gay. Trust your instincts!
    • Take any used condoms, wrappers etc. home with you. This kind of litter will draw complaints and police attention.


    Being at a cruising or cottaging area is not illegal, but having exposing yourself or having sex in public where someone could see you is without doing something unusual like looking peeking underneath a cubicle door or taking out the binoculars.

    If you get arrested, stay calm, co-operate but only give your name and ask for a solicitor. The solicitor will advise you on your rights and what to say and is bound by client confidentiality.

    If you get attacked remember that this is a crime, whether or not you were involved in something illegal. Report the attack to the local police station and ask to speak to the Minority Liaison Officer. Someone from The Rainbow Project can escort you if you prefer someone else there. If you are not sure about reporting the attack, come and speak to someone in Rainbow first to consider your options.


    When you are mentally healthy you feel good about yourself, enjoy relationships, learn confidently and overcome your difficulties. When you aren’t, you may feel overwhelmed by misery, anger or fear.

    • You do not know who you are talking to; in a chat room anyone can pretend to be anyone and any age.
    • Do not give out your home address or landline number or any other details until you have met the person and trust them.
    • When you arrange to meet up let someone know where you are going to be and arrange for them to contact you during the meeting and let the person you are meeting know you have made these arrangements.
    • Do not get too drunk; you need to stay on your guard and your performance now or later might not make the best impression.
    • You are under no obligation to have sex with the person you are meeting up with. If you decide to go ahead insist on safe sex and bring condoms and lube.
    • No chat room company will allow their staff to contact customers. If you are being blackmailed contact the Minority Liaison Officer at your local PSNI office.


    For the safest form of cruising visit a gay sauna. After paying an entrance fee you will be in a safe and clean environment with like-minded people and condoms and lube freely available and it is legal! Going to a gay sauna does not mean you have to have sex; some men go just for the company or just to relax and be themselves. Most saunas provide a service where you can make an appointment with a member of staff to show you around the facilities first if you are nervous about going.

    August 24, 2009

    Gay singer George Michael on BBC 24 News

    Filed under: Gay Cruising, Gay News — Tags: , , , , , , , , — @ 7:37 am

    gay singer george michael intends to sue the people who are behind his sex scandal allegations; he was spotted – and photographed – in the notorious gay cruising area of hampstead heath

    August 19, 2009

    Real (Gay) Men Don’t Cruise: Larry Craig, Gay Identity, and Ideology

    Filed under: Gay Cruising, Gay News — Tags: , , , , , , — @ 3:31 pm
    Larry_Craig_official_portraitMen having sex with other men in public (observable) places have always presented a challenge to advocates for civil rights for queers. On one hand, the LGBT rights movement in the United States has historically included a push to transgress social and cultural norms of sexual behavior, which are often used to repress alternative modes of sexual expression. On the other hand, the increasing legal and social acceptance of queer sexuality and the emergence of more private spaces to find sex partners has mitigated the need for cruising and other outlaw forms of sexual expression. Additionally, as gay rights advocates continue to press their cause in legislative and judicial fora, condoning public sex seems increasingly to be a liability. Recent highly visible controversies involving men who are looking for sex with other men in public places reveal sharp ideological divides in queer communities over issues of sexuality and identity, as people argue about the role of sexual behavior in constructing gay identity and the place for unconventional expressions of individual and group sexuality in an increasingly mainstream social movement. This paper analyzes the discourse in queer fora surrounding public sex for the ideological rifts and ruptures it reveals.

    Get the paper here


    August 11, 2009

    DiFatta twice detained for lewd conduct in mall restrooms

    Filed under: Gay Cruising, Gay News — Tags: , , , , , , , , — @ 3:18 pm

    Posted by The Times Picayune, October 04, 2007

    By Christine Harvey St. Tammany bureau

    05nw.difattaSt. Bernard Parish Councilman Joey DiFatta, who on Thursday withdrew from the 1st Senate District campaign, has been stopped twice since 1996 for suspicion of engaging in lewd behavior in public restrooms in Jefferson Parish, records obtained by The Times-Picayune show.

    DiFatta, 53, acknowledged that reports he had been stopped are true, but he denied any wrongdoing in both cases. He said he was not prosecuted in either case and has no arrest record.

    “If I had done something wrong, I would have been arrested,” DiFatta said Thursday afternoon. “I was not. I will deny that I was involved in any activity of that nature.”

    Earlier Thursday, DiFatta called reporters to announce that he planned to withdraw from the Senate race. He said he has been having chest pains for a few weeks, and elevated enzyme levels indicate he might have had a minor heart attack in the past few days. As a result, his doctor advised him to slow down and make some changes in his life.

    DiFatta, who has served on the St. Bernard Parish Council since January 1996 and is currently its chairman, denied he is stepping down from the Senate race for fear that the reports would become public. In fact, he said he did not know the reports had surfaced when he made his decision.

    Kenner police issued a misdemeanor summons to DiFatta in September 1996 in connection with a peeping Tom incident in a men’s bathroom at the former Mervyn’s department store at The Esplanade mall, according to a Kenner Police Department incident report obtained by The Times-Picayune.

    The report states that DiFatta watched a man use the bathroom while peering through a hole in a bathroom stall. The man held DiFatta until police arrived, at which time he was issued the misdemeanor summons and ordered to appear in court.

    DiFatta said the man eventually withdrew his complaint, and the case was dismissed. A spokeswoman for the Kenner Police Department said the record was expunged.

    Tapping foot in stall

    In the second incident, Jefferson Parish deputies working an undercover detail in a men’s bathroom at Dillard’s at Lakeside Shopping Center in March 2000 stopped DiFatta after he indicated a desire to engage in sex with an undercover deputy in an adjoining bathroom stall, according to an interoffice memorandum written by Sgt. Keith Conley, one of the deputies involved in the investigation.

    The report said DiFatta slid his foot into the deputy’s stall and tapped the deputy’s foot. In the report, Conley noted that such activity is common among men to indicate a willingness to participate in sex.

    The deputy inside the stall, Detective Wayne Couvillion, responded by tapping his foot, and DiFatta reached under the partition and began to rub the deputy’s leg, the report states.

    The detective asked DiFatta, “What do you want?” according to the report, and he replied, “I want to play with you.”

    DiFatta also used a hand signal to indicate that he wanted to engage in sex and used language that indicated the same, according to the report. Conley, who is now the Kenner city attorney, confirmed the report’s authenticity Thursday.

    The incident did not culminate in an arrest because the deputy in the bathroom with DiFatta terminated the investigation after several children entered the bathroom, the report states. Conley noted in the report that DiFatta appeared well-versed and comfortable with the routine.

    Conley wrote that had the investigation been allowed to continue, it likely would have concluded in DiFatta’s arrest on obscenity charges, including a possible attempted crime against nature.

    Conley confronted DiFatta outside the bathroom, and DiFatta apologized and said he would not return, according to the report. DiFatta also said he has a problem with such behavior and had sought counseling for the addiction in the past, the report states.

    In both instances, DiFatta produced his commission from the St. Bernard Sheriff’s Office identifying him as a captain. DiFatta said Thursday he did not show his commission either time until officers asked him for identification, all of which he keeps in his wallet.

    Struggling after Katrina

    When he chose to run for state Senate, DiFatta relinquished the opportunity to run for re-election to the St. Bernard Parish Council. His term ends in January.

    DiFatta said he has enjoyed serving the parish and its people and thanked his supporters.

    A jeweler who had received several political endorsements in the Senate race, DiFatta also noted that the stress from enduring Hurricane Katrina and its aftermath might have gotten the best of him. He lost his Chalmette home to Katrina, and it took him almost 14 months to rebuild.

    In the interim, he has been a strong voice for his constituents, traveling often to Washington, D.C., to fight for recovery help.

    DiFatta has notified the Louisiana secretary of state’s office that he intends to withdraw from the race, but his withdrawal won’t be official until he files the paperwork, said Jacques Berry, the office’s spokesman. Regardless, DiFatta’s name will remain on the ballot for the Oct. 20 primary, as the state already has printed the ballots, he said.

    Any votes to be invalid

    Poll workers will place signs in the precincts where DiFatta’s name is on the ballot letting the voters know he is no longer in the race and that a vote for him will not be valid, Berry said.

    DiFatta’s latest campaign finance report shows that he has almost $69,000 in the bank. DiFatta said he will use the money to pay some outstanding bills, though he noted he can hold onto the money to use later.

    DiFatta’s abrupt departure from the race leaves two candidates — Reps. A.G. Crowe and Ken Odinet — fighting for the 1st District seat, which includes St. Bernard Parish and parts of St. Tammany, Plaquemines and Orleans parishes.

    Odinet, who lives in Arabi, said Thursday that he was saddened to hear DiFatta has been ill. Crowe, a Pearl River resident, said he wishes DiFatta a speedy recovery.

    The Difference Between Gay Park/Toilet Sex and Straight Park/Toilet Sex

    Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — @ 3:11 pm

    posted by Dan Savage on October 15, 2007 @

    The police are always busting men that have gay sex in public places but they never bust couples that have straight sex in public places. It’s proof that the authorities are homophobic and that men that enjoy public sex—gay and straight-identified cocksuckers—are being persecuted and it’s not fair!

    Sadly, no.

    While straight people can and do have sex in public—couples in sexually moribund LTRs are sometimes encouraged to have sex in public—there’s no such thing as a cruisy straight park. There isn’t one particular bathroom on, say, the UW campus where straight people go to have anonymous sex with other straight people. There aren’t websites directing straight men and women to corners of particular parks or choice public toilets or forested trails where they’re likely to find other straight people looking for quick, anonymous fucks.

    No, when straight sex happens in public it’s usually because an opposite-sex couple has sought out a private spot where they hope no one—not grandmothers out on walks, not heterophobic cops, not other horny straights—will discover them. Once they find that secluded spot, they drop their drawers, have their skeezy straight public sex, then leave and never return.

    Straights don’t overrun certain sections of certain parks, straights don’t turn a corner of a Volunteer or Woodland or Westcrest park into an open-air straight bathhouse, they don’t lurk in public toilets they’ve read about on the web. The police rarely get complaints about straight couples carrying on in one section of a park because straight people—even the ones that have sex in public—don’t carry on in one section of the park.

    When the police do get complaints about straight public sex they know that a failure to respond isn’t going to result in the area being overrun by straight people seeking public sex. By the time the police arrive the straight couple is long gone and unlikely to return. There’s literally nothing to police.

    So, yes, while both straights and gay have public sex, the impact of straight public sex vs. gay public sex is very different. Consequently the police response will be different. If anyone is applying a double standard here it’s defensive gay people that refuse to acknowledge that the similarities between gay public sex and straight public sex are few.


    Filed under: Gay Cruising — Tags: , , , , , — @ 3:02 pm

    GEORGE MICHAEL cruised public lavatories for sex – in an attempt to meet “ordinary” people.

    George MichaelThe LISTEN WITHOUT PREJUDICE star – who was arrested in 1998 for propositioning an undercover cop in a men’s public lavatory in Los Angeles – found his “secret sex life” a good way to meet people outside the entertainment industry.

    The British singer explains, “One of the things about cruising and having a secret sex life for so long is that I think it helped me keep my feet on the ground. And it meant that I was constantly meeting ordinary people.

    “How else would I have done that, in a weird way? And be on their level?”

    And Michael, who is in a long term relationship with KENNY GOSS, found being arrested a “turn-on”.

    He adds, “I can never be that turned on again. Guilt is a massive turn-on.”

    25/04/2004 12:41

    George: I’m not ashamed of cruising

    Filed under: Gay Cruising — Tags: , , , , , — @ 2:58 pm

    By KATIE HIND, Daily Mail

    George Michael has insisted he feels no shame about his seedy encounter with a stranger in a London park.

    georgemichaelThe 43-year-old star spoke out after being caught emerging from the bushes with pot-bellied jobless van driver Norman Kirtland last week on London’s notorious homosexual haunt Hampstead Heath.

    In a frank telephone interview on Channel 4’s Richard and Judy show, the former Wham! star said he believed there was nothing wrong with having sex with strangers in public places, which is known as cruising.

    He said: ‘I’ve got no issue with cruising, it is something I have talked abut many times.

    ‘You can’t be in shame about the situation if the person isn’t shamed, and I am certainly not that. ‘I should be able to be what I am to young, gay people, which is a man who has succeeded in the industry for 25 years.

    ‘Sorry if people don’t like the fact I cruise on Hampstead Heath but the police absolutely accept that it goes on at night, it’s the only place in London where that is so it’s generally a safe place.’

    Michael, who is believed to be worth £50 million also compared himself to a ‘gay Wayne Rooney’. Referring to the Manchester United footballer’s teenage sexual revels with ageing prostitutes, he added: ‘They have to make me look like a gay Wayne Rooney, don’t they?’

    The singer, who lives with long-term partner Kenny Goss, 48, in a £5 million mansion in London’s Highgate – which is less than a mile from Hampstead Heath also compared the man he encountered in the bushes as a Bernard Manning lookalike.

    Ridiculing his actions, Michael said: ‘As much as I don’t want to be ageist or fattist, it’s dark out there but it’s not that dark.

    ‘I’ve no idea who that guy was, but thank you very much.’

    However, following Michael’s latest encounter he confirmed that his ‘marriage’ to Texan Goss has been postponed for the time being, as the Daily Mail revealed on Tuesday.

    The pair were due to marry this month after Michael revealed they would hold a civil ceremony similar to Elton John and David Furnish on their tenth anniversary.

    He also revealed how he had already spent £1 million on a present for Goss to celebrate their ten years together, which he hopes will gloss over his latest sordid encounter: ‘He should forgive me after that,’ said Michael.

    His new shame echoes the incident which revealed his sexuality to the world – and which also led to him losing millions of fans – when he was caught trying to have sex in a California public toilet by an undercover policeman in 1998.

    However, more fears have grown for him recently. In February Michael was charged with possession of cannabis after being found slumped at the wheel of his car in Hyde Park.

    He said at the time: ‘It was my own stupid fault, as usual.’

    However, just two months later he was investigated by police again when he collided with three parked cars near his home and did not inform their owners.

    Despite his erratic behaviour, Michael’s career appears to have been unscathed.

    Only days after damaging the cars in his £60,000 Range Rover more than 200,000 tickets for his first concerts in 15 years sold out within half an hour.

    During his quarter of a century as a musician, Michael has sold an estimated 100 million albums.

    Last updated at 09:10 27 July 2006

    August 9, 2009

    Toilet sex arrests

    Filed under: Gay Cruising — Tags: , , , , — @ 2:20 pm
    14th July 2009 11:05:38 AM 

    FOOTSCRAY Police arrested seven people last week for lewd conduct and indecent exposure at the Pipemaker’s Park men’s toilet blocks after increasing reports of sexual activity.

    Acting Inspector Dave Byrt said it was likely the toilet block had been advertised as an ideal gay hook up point on the internet.

    He said most liaisons occurred between 11am and 2pm.

    “You only have to be a single male to walk into that toilet block and be followed,” he said.

    Acting Insp Byrt said Pipemaker’s Park was one of many gay cruising areas around Melbourne.

    It is believed many of the participants are closet gay men, many of whom are married. A Highpoint toilet block and Footscray Park has been named as gay hook up points on some websites.

    Older Posts »

    Blog at